Well I have my days. There are the days where I think...they give you drugs, they are professionals, they numb you, they help you the whole time so it can't be that bad, at least not for that long, right? Then I have days where I turn on the TV and I catch the woman giving birth who chose not to do the drugs, or who had such a rapid fast delivery there was no time for the drugs. I go to bed hearing the poor women screaming. Then, I will have a day where I think of all the women before me who have given birth and I think surely if all these people can do it, and some of them mulitiple times, then I can do it too. I try to listen to my husband and freinds who assure me I can do it, it will be fine and it will all be worth it.
Today was a medium day....it was the day where I decided to watch my DVR'd epsisode of Kendra givning birth. Kendra who some of you may or may not know is one of Hef's former girlfriends, who married Hank and they had a baby a few weeks ago. I watch it, sorry if you disagree but it all is entertaining to me. Anyway...the birth of HB4was all captured on TV and I thought it was smart to record and watch. I do a lot of things that aren't smart, this wasn't one of my worst but it got close at one point. To sum up...they enduced her early because the baby was already measuring at least 8 1/2 pounds. After 24 hours of labor and pain they decided to do a C-section. The doctors first few words were "holy cow, look at this head, he's huge, he's a linebacker, oh wow, that's a huge head,etc." OH MYLANTA, why did I watch this? Well mom and baby were fine, I cried, it was all sweet and loving and good and I'm still scared.
There is so much going on between now and when this baby is supposed to come out of me. I am praying that I stay busy and can't focus on what is excpected of me. Giving birth that is...
By the way, the birthing classes and videos and all that jazz, I think it should be edited a tad. They just scare people, me included. I actually think if you just handed me Berkley right now I could do the baby part, but getting her out of me is what I can't comprehend. She is coming out, I get that. I am just not sure how.
Also, please know that I know what a gift it is, having a child, giving birth... I know there are soo many who would take my place and I in no way want to be offensive or seem ungrateful but it is a lil scary when it's actually happening to you and your body for the first time. I want this baby, I want to experience the wonderful gift of birth and being a mom - I just kinda wanna do it with no pain. Like no pain at all. It would also be really appreciated and amazing if she came out quickly, easily, perfectly healthy and with no cords wrapped wrong. Thanks. Please pray for me.
P.S. Did I mention that my husband was a 10lb baby?
Love and blessings.