Am I really leaving her??

Well I am going back to work (part time). For going back to work, it is a really great situation and (even though my husband probablly doesn't think so) I am trying to put on my big girl pants. Ok, being honest, so far it only works about every other day but I am still trying. I didn't think I would ever go back to work. This kinda fell into my lap and within a couple weeks I had a job. Very thankful. Great person I am working for and great people I am going to be working with. It was the only working situation that worked for me being a stay at home mom at least most of the week, it works for Berkley to be in a good home with a friend, and it worked for us as a family. I wanted being a mom to be my only job. It isn't for everyone to stay home, but so far it was totally for me. I am going back to work and since I can't take Berkley with me, I have to leave her. WHAT??? Oh bless...this is killing me. I was delusional when this all came about. Somehow I didn't think leaving her was actually happening. Ha. I cry thinking about it. I have cried at work, I have cried in the driveway of the sitter, I have cried in the sitters living room and well a few more places. I don't want to miss anything. If I leave her to go on a date with the hubs, or to run errands, to CrossFit (which I have missed for a week now!) or to go to Cabo and I know she will be with her PaPa and BeBe it is totally fine. But this, this is not good. What if I miss her crawl?? What if she finally says mama??
I have been dealing with it for a few weeks and it just hasn't gotten much better yet. I know it will. I know it will. I know it will. (I also know I am not the first to have to do this, and I am so blessed it is only part time.) She is staying with a great woman, her friend Allie is there, but still I want her with me. I have been reading others blogs (Summer) and they are having to take their kids to school. Ok now that, I just can't even imagine yet.
She is 6months old as of last week. She is amazing! We took her 6mo pics and they are to die for. My opinion of course. Just ask me, my parents, Bart, his parents, any of her aunts, her great grandparents, her great aunt, some babysitters, etc...we will all tell you she is amazing, and funny and beautiful, and a few more things. No bias here!!

Reasons Berkley is awesome:

- she is the easiest and happiest baby. no really she is.
- she smiles and laughs at everything and anyone.
- she loves when her poppi sings to her.
- she wiggles like a mad woman in her sleep and her daddy and I look at the video montior and crack up trying to guess where her head is versus a leg or arm. it is hilarious! (see picture in blog)
- when she wakes up she is so happy to see you. she lights up and squeels and pops up and down.
- she loves to play. she is so independent!
- when you read to her, she pats the book.
- she is so close to crawling and its so fun to watch her get up on hands and feet (all fours) and rock back and forth, and then she only goes backwards.
- she makes the best sounds and moves her mouth in the funniest ways.
- she eats everything you give her, so not like her momma.
- everything she can get into her mouth, goes in her mouth.
- she loves her daddy. seeing them together makes me melt.
- she loves bath time. its so fun to watch her splash around.
- when she snuggles up into my neck for kisses and hugs, its heaven.
- when she is starting to wake up in the morning, she doesn't cry...she starts to talk and sing and she reachers her hand up and plays with the ruffle on her bumper. i love her fingers.

Ok that's enough for now. That might have been longer than the magna carta. I love her so much.

(This is one of the times we found her moved around in her bed. About an hour before, when we put her to bed she was facing the other way, face down, in the middle of the bed. Somehow, it turned into what you see here.)
(Some of her amazing 6mo pictures taken by Angel Porch!)


Prayers welcomed for a stressed, worried, guilty feeling, frazzled momma.

Love and Blessings,
BB