self inflicted pain...

I tend to hurt myself. Most of the time I don't know how I got a bruise or cut...they just appear. Recently though, I can account for them all! Some of my inflicted pain is on purpose, like my first group bike ride. 12 miles and I loved it. CrossFit every week, love it after its over but it hurts so good. Then there are the times I don't mean to hurt myself but do anyway...

Cut on my knee, both sides of ankles up to shin - fist group bike ride, clipping out and fell.

Bruise on left side of head - car door.

Bump/bruise on right side of forehead - ok this one I don't remember but it was the same day as the one before.

Sore shoulder - running into the wall while walking to B's room in the middle of the night. She is teething and has woken up a few times about 4am.

Right pointer finger - 2 months ago at CrossFit405 while box jumping. I got to 29"!! Finger still hurts.


Other random injuries:

- closing the laptop on my nose
- washer lid falling closed on my head (this happened so often so I got a front loader.)
- multiple knees and shins lost to the ottoman.


Anyone want to share their random/silly injuries??

The Sprint...

So I workout with some crazy people. People who run marathons and workout for fun. I wish I loved it, I really do. It would make running and what not so much easier. For those of you who love to workout, jog, compete in races, triathlons and such...spread the love. Help me love it.

The point of this post is to remind you all of how crazy I am. I am doing a sprint triathlon.

Me.

Moi.

Brooke.

Who am I kidding? I can do all three things seperatly and fairly effectively. All together is a whole other story. I am going to do it anyway.


I have 1 month. My girl Nicole and I have started training. Our goal, simply to finish. Wish me luck.

-me

baby manuals

Anyone reading this probablly already knows how neurotic I am. Very typical type A personality. I like things how I like them, things have their place, etc. So when I left Berkley for the first time (overnight) I wrote a manual on how to take care of her. Yep, I did. I can share it with anyone who wants to write one, just so you have something to go off of. Kinda like a 'blackline master'. If you are a teacher you know what that is.

After I wrote it, made copies for all those who might be taking care of her, made them swear to read it, freaked out, revised it and reprinted it, I left her feeling good about how it would all go. As I left her I realized that I wrote it more for me, then for them. Oh well.

When I got back and asked them (Berkley caretakers...aka Grandparents) if they thought I was totally crazy, they actually admitted it came in handy.

So now, if I leave her, I just update the manual. :)


Oh and I know someone else who has done this. So I am only as crazy as the next person!

Love and Blessings,
BB

Am I really leaving her??

Well I am going back to work (part time). For going back to work, it is a really great situation and (even though my husband probablly doesn't think so) I am trying to put on my big girl pants. Ok, being honest, so far it only works about every other day but I am still trying. I didn't think I would ever go back to work. This kinda fell into my lap and within a couple weeks I had a job. Very thankful. Great person I am working for and great people I am going to be working with. It was the only working situation that worked for me being a stay at home mom at least most of the week, it works for Berkley to be in a good home with a friend, and it worked for us as a family. I wanted being a mom to be my only job. It isn't for everyone to stay home, but so far it was totally for me. I am going back to work and since I can't take Berkley with me, I have to leave her. WHAT??? Oh bless...this is killing me. I was delusional when this all came about. Somehow I didn't think leaving her was actually happening. Ha. I cry thinking about it. I have cried at work, I have cried in the driveway of the sitter, I have cried in the sitters living room and well a few more places. I don't want to miss anything. If I leave her to go on a date with the hubs, or to run errands, to CrossFit (which I have missed for a week now!) or to go to Cabo and I know she will be with her PaPa and BeBe it is totally fine. But this, this is not good. What if I miss her crawl?? What if she finally says mama??
I have been dealing with it for a few weeks and it just hasn't gotten much better yet. I know it will. I know it will. I know it will. (I also know I am not the first to have to do this, and I am so blessed it is only part time.) She is staying with a great woman, her friend Allie is there, but still I want her with me. I have been reading others blogs (Summer) and they are having to take their kids to school. Ok now that, I just can't even imagine yet.
She is 6months old as of last week. She is amazing! We took her 6mo pics and they are to die for. My opinion of course. Just ask me, my parents, Bart, his parents, any of her aunts, her great grandparents, her great aunt, some babysitters, etc...we will all tell you she is amazing, and funny and beautiful, and a few more things. No bias here!!

Reasons Berkley is awesome:

- she is the easiest and happiest baby. no really she is.
- she smiles and laughs at everything and anyone.
- she loves when her poppi sings to her.
- she wiggles like a mad woman in her sleep and her daddy and I look at the video montior and crack up trying to guess where her head is versus a leg or arm. it is hilarious! (see picture in blog)
- when she wakes up she is so happy to see you. she lights up and squeels and pops up and down.
- she loves to play. she is so independent!
- when you read to her, she pats the book.
- she is so close to crawling and its so fun to watch her get up on hands and feet (all fours) and rock back and forth, and then she only goes backwards.
- she makes the best sounds and moves her mouth in the funniest ways.
- she eats everything you give her, so not like her momma.
- everything she can get into her mouth, goes in her mouth.
- she loves her daddy. seeing them together makes me melt.
- she loves bath time. its so fun to watch her splash around.
- when she snuggles up into my neck for kisses and hugs, its heaven.
- when she is starting to wake up in the morning, she doesn't cry...she starts to talk and sing and she reachers her hand up and plays with the ruffle on her bumper. i love her fingers.

Ok that's enough for now. That might have been longer than the magna carta. I love her so much.

(This is one of the times we found her moved around in her bed. About an hour before, when we put her to bed she was facing the other way, face down, in the middle of the bed. Somehow, it turned into what you see here.)
(Some of her amazing 6mo pictures taken by Angel Porch!)


Prayers welcomed for a stressed, worried, guilty feeling, frazzled momma.

Love and Blessings,
BB

24 weeks!

Her new trick...Funny Faces!

A few posts combined....

(She sent this picture along with a stylish purse to her Aunt Laura for her birthday! It was a hit.)


Well it has been a busy few weeks. Mostly great things. I have a very blessed life, a wonderful husband, family and child. Life is full and its great. We have had lake trips, weddings in Cabo, dinner with Coach Switzer, family in town, Berkley sitting up on her own, Berkley eating new foods, etc, etc, etc.

Through all of that I have been feeling like every few days I have been thrown for a loop. I get frustrated with myself when I feel disappointed, hurt or let down due to someone one else or a silly situation I come across. I get stuck on that negative thing and forget what good health we have, a home, a healthy/happy child and nothing to truly complain about. I haven't had to suffer loss of a family or friend and I have it so good compared to so many. I know I am so blessed but I feel like for so long I have been in a funk. While most who know me know I wear my heart on my sleeve...as in I am not good about hiding my feelings, I don't think most know what I am feeling deep down. It is usually surface joy or surface annoyance at something mundane that people see or experience around me. I hate that. I feel like I have had to have some major self examinations lately, make some hard decisions and choose Berkley/Bart and what is best for us over others and of course I look back, even to yesterday and know I have made a few mistakes too many. I hate disappointing people, or making a decision someone else doesnt like. I have a major problem with being a people please which majorly butts heads with my big mouth/opiniated self. I am very sensitive yet also strong. Too many contradictions!!

Praying for grace, direction, courage, forgiveness, and so much more.

Love and Blessings,
Brooke


***Below is most of July in a picture montage(sp?)***