That's what she said...

DISCLAIMER--- I don't know why and Im so not a computer person but my paragraphs don't show up.--- A good laugh these days is much enjoyed and appreciated on my part. I find myself telling jokes to Berkley that make me giggle, which make her giggle and then its like I actually had a decent conversation that day. I also count answering Dora and Mickey on the TV as conversations some days. That should tell you loads. Joke example: Why did Tigger jump down the toilet? He was chasing Pooh. Its one of my favorites. :) Its been a day where we were inside a little to long, this prego slept with a 2 year old on top of her last night, and so was pretty lacking in the energy department today. Pretty much felt like a failure at life. This day happens way to often. If its a choice to stay in, to just enjoy the quiet thats one thing, but the dirty dishes, toys everywhere, didn't do one productive thing kinda day is not so good. I get a lil pity party on. Its not cool. But, it ended in gymnastics, lots of snuggles, singing Bible songs, kisses and I love yous. God is good. It seems these days, and I realize its a phase of life, an age where people are getting married, having babies, getting into their life long careers kinda phase... its a phase where it seems like it is more rare to have a healthy marriage, a healthy child, a stable job than it was when I was younger. I am sure most of it is when you are 16, all you care about is driving, friends, etc. You don't realize 'real' life quite yet. Well I am in that stage where people around me are having babies and as we go through health issues with Bryn (27wks. and going strong) there are so many around us who are grieving a miscarriage, who are hearing their own difficult news about their unborn child, who are dealing with health issues of their infants and toddlers, and those who are continuing the path they have been on since their child was born of continued doc visits, surgeries, and tests. Its all too much. Sometimes, there are no words. I am a firm believer that God does give us more that we can handle. I think he allows bad things to happen so we HAVE to rely on Him. I think he can equip us for anything we face, therefore we are able to handle what is thrown our way. I think he shapes us and uses these stormy moments to mold us in His image, and to bend us to His will, to fulfill His ultimate goal. He will give you more than you can handle...because He doesn't want you to fix it. HE wants to carry us, HE can fix it. It may not be how we would fix it, how we want it or in the timing we wish, but Gods will, His plan, is always better. Its not easy to accept when you are in the storms. Its not fun. Its life and life is beyond hard some days. I have been humbled by realizing how much I didn't 'get it' till I was in it. I have been broken by realizing my friends or family have felt this sadness I have felt, this helplessness, this fear, or even this peace in realizing that we can't control it. How silly do I feel sometimes for thinking I understood their pain, or that I had the answer? Even though I have plenty of days of "why?", I have plenty of "why not." I have also realized how blessed we are. Not by things but by people, by love, by prayers and by Berkley. She keeps the joy in the house for sure. Its not good to compare, its a great sin I struggle with. But, compared to many around us we are facing a great future, with two girls that have bright futures. We will have a surgery, we will have some late nights, some tears, some fears and a few more battles I am sure we don't know about yet, but overall life is really good. Its one of those....'if you stuck all your problems in a bowl with others problems, you would take yours back out.' Im a selfish person. Really we all are, but I have been shown it daily since we had Berkley. Its not fun to realize 'unbecoming' things about yourself. Recently I would say I have become a lil more selfish on purpose. I have chosen to say 'no' more, to choose our family, or what is best for us. I have chosen me, rest, just time to relax at home or with family instead of being a part of the hustle. I love people, I love helping if I can, I love being invited to the party, the playdate, the dinner, but the world is a busy place. Sometimes its good to just slow down and watch Dora with your two year old instead of rushing to this place or that. We can rush tomorrow. I feel very blessed to have these choices. We continue to ask for prayers, for Bryn. We have a few months before she arrives and life changes a bit. We look forward to the rest of the summer, pool time, lake time and more memories with family and friends. I also ask you to pray for those out there like some of our friends who are dying to be parents and are struggling to make that happen, for our friends who have suffered multiple miscarriages and even with a healthy child still struggle with the loss, for our friends who after years of trying are finally going to be parents, I ask you to pray blessings over some of our friends who just got to bring their baby boy home from the Congo, I ask that you pray for our friends who are headed for more surgeries with their lil ones, for those taking their children in for testing and to figure out answers. I ask you to pray for a friend who lost her dad, a man who faced another brain surgery and is home, healed. Pray for the family who has healthy happy triplets, for our friends who after losing a precious boy adopted the cutest lil boy you can imagine. I ask you to prayer for that mom who is battling cancer with two small children, for the couple who was torn apart and is trying to repair their family, for our friend who lost a baby boy and now is living life with two precious girls, for the parents who learned that as the help their lil boy fight for his life, his twin has the same health problem. I ask you to pray for those people in your life struggling with life, with sickness, with pain, with sin, with addictions,for those all over this world who don't know Jesus. There is so much to pray for, it all matters. We live in a fallen world, there is sin, sickness, and many things out there trying to bring us down. Love each other. Be kind, give more, love more and see how the blessings flow in. Love me when I least deserve it, its when I need it most. Be a good friend by calling me out to do better, to be better, to quit bellyaching, to be Christ in this world. When I mess up, forgive me. Help me focus on the good, help me count my blessings. Encourage me. I love you all. I thank you for your friendship even if we don't get to see or talk often, whether we are close or just a friend of a friend. Thank you for being Christ to my family and I. Thank you for your prayers. lots of love - Brooke (bart, berkley and bryn)